Current Status
General: My mindset is very negative today. A lot of stress about moving, money, weight gain. Feeling very down on myself and my inability to be motivated about anything. *
Weight: 171 Goal is to lose 15 pounds for
starters.
Health concerns: Sleep loss, IT band pain
Yesterday check in:
Sleep: Good enough
IT band - No pain
Exercise: None - in the car all day
Food: Road trip snacks, fast food lunch
Goals for today:
Make it through the day.
*Logically I know that the only may to improve our financial situation is to sell our house and buy something else for cash. We can't do that in this area as the housing prices are very high. The closest thing we've found (fixer upper) is 3 hours from here. It would be a lot of work and cash to make it something we're comfortable with. But, it's doable.
Emotionally I'm a wreck thinking about moving away from Dude's parents. Not his dad so much, because he's still self sufficient and with his recent VA disability status, he can get all the help he needs. But if his dad passes away before his mom and she's left sitting in the nursing home with no daily visitors, it would be extremely hard to feel decent about that. She's already mentally fragile and I personally don't think she would last long without him. She's used to him being there every day.
Dude's sisters do not know about our situation, probably wouldn't care and might actually be angry at us for moving. Dianne is the only one who might get it. The oldest and her husband take several trips every year, but only come to visit the old folks twice or so. I'm happy for them to have the monetary ability to do that, I'd love to be in that position myself, but they're pretty judgmental about people who didn't plan ahead. I don't think they have any idea how much money we lost in wages alone with constant layoffs and employers whose businesses folded. That in turn hobbled our ability to invest or save much. The last layoff forced Dude into early retirement and even with a pretty good severance package, didn't pay our mortgage, which is something we could have done if he had been guaranteed a job for 2 more years. He did apply for a couple of jobs, but with his age and hearing impairment, the odds were slim.
I feel very guilty about not working for so long, but that's a decision we made together. Going back into teaching was not an option, so retail was my only other choice. Considering that we moved frequently and always lived a distance from a town, that wasn't a much of an option. I have considered getting a retail job now as the wages are pretty decent. However, that doesn't solve our long term issue with the mortgage and will just kick the can down the road. We've brainstormed about how to make extra money but can't come up with anything plausible. Dude has already worked very hard in his life and has nothing much to show for it. it would be nice for him to be able to enjoy his hobbies now, but with no money to pay for them, it looks fairly grim.
On top of that, the cost of everything is going up so it's more expensive just to live. Sometimes I wonder what the point of it all is. Logically I know that many others are much worse of than me, but depression doesn't care about that.
So, today I'm feeling hopeless and fairly worthless. I just hope I can shake it off.
